Take That!
by Major-Death
Summary: Amelia kills some idiot sailors and other people
1. Drunk Louie's

Disclaimer: I didn't create Captain Amelia, but I did create Louie, so if you ever try to infringe on my copyright I'll kill you!  
  
Amelia had just returned from a long voyage, and was really tired and hungry and sorta confused. She thought it might be fun to get drunk, so she went to a pub on the dock.  
  
"Crap, I'm tired. Maybe I should just drink myself to sleep and wake up plastered on underneath one of the docks." said Amelia.  
  
Amelia walked into a pub called, Drunk Louie's.  
  
"I'll have a beer." Amelia said rather lazily.  
  
The bartender happened to be named Louie, but he was also a dog.  
  
"We don't serve your kind here, so get the crap out before I bust a cap on your sorry ass."  
  
Amelia got pretty mad, said some stuff, then pulled out an uzi.  
  
"Drink this!" Shouted Amelia as she filled Louie with about 50 bullets.  
  
Everyone at the bar looked at Amelia, and since they were all dogs, they got pretty angry.  
  
"Hey you whore, how am I supposed to get my booze if you just killed the bartender?" Said a sailor who was an idiot.  
  
"Here, let me refill your mug...with your DOOM!"  
  
In a desperate attempt to avoid his doom, the stupid sailor grabbed a spear and tried to spear Amelia. But Amelia was to quick for that. She jumped behind the dude, and totally ripped his legs off.  
  
Everyone in the bar got pretty upset, so they decided to fight. About four guys with Machetes surrounded Amelia and were going to try to hurt her. But before they could, Amelia pulled a crossbow out from under her wicked awesome jacket and totally crossbowed those guys. They all died.  
  
"Take this, pig slut!" Said an ugly sailor.  
  
The one ugly dude pulled out a battle axe and swung it at Amelia, but she jumped in the air and did some flips. Upon landing she pulled out a switch blade and stabbed the guy in the eye.  
  
"Ahhhhhh!!! You friggin' stabbed me in the eye, you craptard!"  
  
And since he couldn't see, Amelia took a grenade and stuffed it down his shirt.  
  
"Hey, what's that you stuffed down my shirt. Better not be a grenade, cause if it is I'll kill you mother fu- "He stopped talking cause his head exploded.  
  
The she went around and killed everybody. Thoroughly satisfied, she left the bar. 


	2. Jim is a wussy pansy

Amelia had just finished killing everyone in the pub when she realized.  
  
"Crap, now I have to find another place to get drunk."  
  
So she went around and came upon this crappy little place called the Benbow Inn.  
  
"Hmmm....this places looks like crap" She said as she walked in the door.  
  
"Sup, loser." Said a snot nosed kid named Jim.  
  
Jim was a loser, and nobody liked him. Even Jim's mom hated him. Once she said that he was a filthy mistake.  
  
"Are you gonna get my booze, or am I gonna have to tear the flesh from you very frame?" said Amelia, quite candidly.  
  
"Sure, it's right here in my pocket."  
  
Jim reaches in his pocket, and instead of pulling out a beer, he pulls out a massive butterfly knife.  
  
"Gahhh!" said Jim, as he lunged for Amelia, seeking to plunge the dagger deep into her heart.  
  
But that didn't happen, cause Amelia was too awesome for that. She grabbed his wussy hand and squeezed.  
  
"Ahhh!!!! You're breaking my fingers!" screamed Jim.  
  
But Amelia didn't care. She rather enjoyed torturing stupid little pansies and found this quite amusing.  
  
She let go, and Jim collapsed into a heap on the floor. She kneeled down, and tied his hands together with her belt.  
  
As Amelia dragged Jim across the floor he asked in a daze, "Where are you taking me."  
  
"You'll see...." is all she said.  
  
About fifteen minutes later she stopped dragging him. They were now in a room with a lamp, and long table and a briefcase. She lifted Jim and placed him on the table, then walked to the corner and busied herself with the contents of the briefcase.  
  
"Jim, are you familiar with torture? It's mostly intimidation, but the real pros get pretty violent. Whether they pull out an iron and burn away your skin, or send thousands of volts through your body, they make it their business to cause pain. I, myself have been interested in torture since I was a child. I practiced on rabbits and deers I found in the woods behind my house. And now that I'm slightly drunk and pretty bored, ima practice on you."  
  
She pulled a silvery instrument from the case and walked towards Jim.  
  
"What the crap is that!?" said Jim.  
  
"It's merely an instrument...an instrument of your DOOM!"  
  
She then proceeded to tear all of his skin off.  
  
As she walked out of the Inn she found that she has spent more time murdering Jim then she had planned. This was bad, cause she had a luncheon with the queen in the morning that she simply could not miss. She only had six hours to get drunk. But how...? 


	3. Fun with karaoke

Alright, so now Amelia is angry cause she can't find a good pub. She finds a bum and asks him where she can buy a beer.  
  
"There's a place down the street called, The Scum Hole."  
  
"Thanks" said Amelia. "But I can't have you following me..."  
  
Amelia cuts out the bum's heart and walks on down to The Scum Hole  
  
As she enters the pub she notices everyone is a idiot, but they're cats, so this time she prolly won't have to kill as many.  
  
"I'll have a beer, or your life.'  
  
"One beer!" said the bartender as he slie it down the bar to her. But this guy slid it way to fast, and it flew off the edge of the bar before Amelia could grab it.  
  
Amelia was pissed.  
  
"Gahhh!" and with one punch, she broke into the guy face, and his brains spilled out.  
  
Since he was dead, she went behind the counter and drank a lot.  
  
Now that she was drunk she was a bit happier. In fact, she decided to go up on the karaoke stage.  
  
"Duuuummm deeeeemmm and closing the door, but I tell you my heart will go on..........hang ten, again and again, then the ship sank and my boyfriend froze...." Sang Amelia quite emotionally.  
  
"Booo!!!" said one audience member.  
  
Amelia jumped off the stage and called a curse form heaven upon him. The Earth swallowed him, but no one cared, cause he was ugly.  
  
And now that she was drunk, she had five hours to do whatever she felt like. And I mean whatever..... 


	4. Doopler's demise

Amelia was ready for some fun. So she went in search of ugly people to belittle. She came upon a man/ dog named Doopler. He was stupid and ugly. Not as stupid and ugly as Jim, but pretty crappin' close.  
  
"Hello sir. I was walking down the street and was wondering if a gentleman such as yourself would like to accompany me to your DOOM!" said Amelia  
  
"Why certainly...wait, would that involve you killing me?"  
  
"No" Amelia lied.  
  
"Phew! Good, I was kinda worried for a second that you were going to pull out a samurai sword and jam it down my throat."  
  
"Good idea, shit head." Amelia said.  
  
Then she pulled out this awesome samurai sword and jammed it down Doopler's throat. He was screaming a whole lot, but that only made her press harder on the blade.  
  
Once he was dead she had an idea.  
  
"Hey, I could rip of his skin and wear his face like a mask. Then I could rob banks and no one would know it was me. Sweet!"  
  
So she tore of his face and safety pinned it to her own.  
  
She now looked like Dr. Doopler, only with a slender new body, and really cool boots. The first place she went was the local bank.  
  
"Gimme all your money or I'll bust a cap on your sorry ass" said Amelia/Doopler.  
  
They did, and then she was rich. So she used her money to buy a jet car and some rocket launchers.  
  
She stationed herself outside the orphanage and prepared for fun. She imagined it would be similar to duck hunt, only without that crappy dog. 


	5. Tea with the Queen

Positioned in front of the orphanage, she waited, until she realized how pressed for time she is.  
  
"Oh crap, I gotta get to the Queen's tea!"  
  
So she left in her jet car straight for the palace. There was a little traffic, but she just killed anyone who got in her way.  
  
It took about 5 hours to get to the palace, 3 minutes to kill the guards and 5 minutes proceed to the Queen's chambers.  
  
"Why hello Amelia! So wonderful to see you! I do trust you're doing well." Said the Queen when Amelia burst into her room  
  
"Crap yes. Now, where's the tea." Responded Amelia.  
  
"Right here. Now, have a seat. So, tell me, how's your husband Doopler doing?"  
  
"Dead, but I really don't care."  
  
"Oh, how wonderful! That wimp always annoyed me. I'm glad you came to your senses and finished him off."  
  
"So am I, he was a real pansy."  
  
"Truly. Crumpets, Amelia?"  
  
"Crap no. Besides, I'm not Amelia?"  
  
"I beg your crappin' pardon?"  
  
At that moment the figure of Captain Amelia shifted from a slender cat, to an ugly pink blob, I think his name was Morph.  
  
"Amelia! You're not Amelia at all, you're Morph, the pet of that dreadful pirate. No wonder you killed so many people. Wait, NOOOOO!!!"  
  
At that moment Morph wrapped himself around the Queen's face and slowly/painfully suffocated her, and with great pleasure I might add.  
  
Then Morph rode off into the sunset like the hero he was.  
  
The End.  
  
Author's notes: So that's the surprise ending. Hoped you enjoyed my fanfic, but if you didn't you're lame. 


End file.
